kay,
so I need some advice. I know I'm  usually
the one spouting off my b points of view on everything
from feminist empowerment to which tampon is the absolute
best, with little or no leakage, and the cleanest (Kotex,
by the way). But this here conundrum has got
me stumped. Just about a year ago, I wrote a story in the
Global about how my little girl, Ruby, who was four at the
time, was asked by a deliriously misguided young lifeguard
at a private tennis club in LA to put her bikini top on
while she was at the pool. She had been running around topless.
Well, ever since that incident she has been terribly worried
about anyone seeing her bare chest. To say she is being
modest is putting it lightly. She could give a cloistered
nun a run for her modesty.
So, the other day, as we were riding bikes
around our neighborhood, she saw a man running in shorts
with no top on. She waited until he had passed us and then
asked, "Mommy, why do mens not wear tops like that and womens
do all the time?" Hmmm…. I immediately wanted to set off
on a political diatribe about how misguided our country
and government is; how hypocritical the obscenity laws are;
how women have been subjugated for centuries to the whims
of a patriarchal, puritanical society; how we allow other
forces to dictate our actions and control our bodies who
double-standard us with their laws about sexuality, force
social morality down our throats and then hang out at the
local strip club after work. But I couldn't, she's only
five. So, I stuttered. I cleared my throat. This is ME,
mind you, female megaphone for true equality and righteous
body advocate. So I simply said, "Sometimes life isn't fair,
baby. This is something that's not fair and mommy is trying
hard to fix it." She didn't get it. I could tell because
she screwed her face up like a little prune, and then she
wanted to talk about the squished worm that was on the sidewalk
just under her tire.
I feel like I failed her. What does a mother
say to a daughter without making inane excuses for a world
gone slightly wrong? I think about this a lot because I
know it's going to come back again. Maybe not this year,
maybe not next, maybe not until she's 10 or 15, but when
it does, I'm going to have to have a better answer! So I
started researching on the web and found an organization
called Topfree
Equal Rights Association (TERA) that shines a big fat
spotlight on the subject matter just a little too harshly.
TERA's basic claim is: Women deserve equal rights. We
do not suggest that women or men should go about with bare
breasts. That is every individual's decision. We do believe
that since men may choose to do so in many situations, women
must also be able to at least in the same situations. Without
penalty of any kind.
It's overwhelming this inequality between men and women
by our society, state governments and religion. It feels
almost insurmountable. It makes even me want to say, "I'll
leave it for someone else to battle, someone like TERA.
I just want to live my life, hang out with my family, smell
the flowers in the garden and maybe sunbathe topless in
my back yard." Oops, wait, that's against the law, isn't
it?. Which brings me back full circle. I can't walk away
and feel truly free in my own backyard. I can't walk away,
because then I have to live with my daughter's face, her
questions, her body image, her future in this world. This
is a bigger issue than a child or a woman choosing to go
topless. I want my daughter to soar just as high as I want
my son to soar. I want her to own her body and have the
same rights in her body as my son does. How in God's name
does a mother tell a daughter that her body is considered
'indecent' and 'obscene' when her brother's isn't? How do
I explain why certain laws exist that treat women and men
unequally? I need an answer if you have one, and I need
your support in trying to change an unfair paradigm.
As I think about her question about the
jogging man again, maybe I could have said something like,
"Women's breasts are so beautiful and special and private
that they're only to be seen and experienced by those that
are very special and close to us." But that's not the whole
truth. Or I could have said, "Because women's breasts are
too sensitive for the sunlight." But that's a lie…..I think…..but
how could I know, my breasts haven't really seen the sunlight
much…that fact makes me rather sad. But with either of these
responses, I would have been making an excuse for an unfair
law. It should be any woman's or man's personal choice when
to walk around the world topless -- not a government-enforced
edict that yet again separates society's fairness between
men and women.
 Why
are women made to feel shame about their breasts and their
body from the time they're innocently running around a pool
at the age of four, until they reach an adulthood that can
sometimes be peppered with arm-cutting, bulimia, anorexia
and sexual frigidity? Think there's a correlation at all?
I do. Sadly, it all starts with that day at the pool, that
blissfully ignorant day running around with the sun and
air and light and music hitting your chest in a deliciously
free way. Then some adult tells you to cover yourself, to
hide your body, and you feel shame as my daughter did. You
feel dirty or embarrassed, like you did something wrong
just living and playing in your body. That becomes the day
you realize that you are treated differently just because
you are a girl, and then you won't undress in front of anyone,
including your mother, and you scream bloody murder when
the straps on your tank top fall off of your shoulders for
fear that your five year old chest might meet the air again.
I can't take back what happened to Ruby. It happens to every
single female child in this country. I witnessed the day,
the exact moment that it happened and the humiliation accompanying
it, and I can never take it back. That is a painful revelation.
I'm going to have to perform some serious
female mother/daughter intervention magic. I'm going to
have to bring her from her innocence on that day through
her humiliation into self-righteous consciousness of demanding
to be treated fairly. But how? The task is daunting. Tell
me, ladies, what would you say? What do we tell our daughters
and sons? Click
here to help!
All my love and respect,
Awakening your senses
 In
honor of Spring, how about doing a week long exercise in
awakening all of your senses this month? All six of them
- yes, six - intuition is a crucial sense that is often
overlooked. Let's figure out some ways to stimulate our
senses, rev up our engines and get us fired up for all the
beautiful things Spring has in store for us.
Click here for the exercises.
 Peppermint
Body Cream
How about invigorating
and refreshing with some homemade Peppermint Body Cream,
just in time for spring. I found this revitalizing recipe
that works wonders - keep in mind that peppermint essential
oil tingles, so you may want to avoid any areas of your
skin that is super sensitive. It is perfect for ultra dry
areas, as well as for tired muscles.
• 5 grams Germaben II (a preservative)
• 5 grams Peppermint Essential Oil
• 15 grams Stearic Acid
• 20 grams Liquid Glycerin
• 25 grams Emulsifying Wax
• 75 grams Regular Cocoa Butter
• 355 grams Distilled Water
Mix all the ingredients except Germaben II and the Peppermint
essential oil together. Heat in the microwave (or on top
of the stove) until all solid ingredients are melted (just
before water begins to boil). Blend in a blender to ensure
complete emulsification. Add the Germaben II and mix well.
Let cool a little and then add the Peppermint Essential
Oil and then blend one more time. Allow it to cool, stirring
every now and then. Store in a jar and use it whenever you
need a little boost.
Last months Celebrating Ourselves Poll results and
this months All About Your Workout Poll
With bikini season around the corner, a lot of us are stepping
up our workouts and just a little more motivated to get
in shape. That makes it the perfect time to share our health
and fitness tips with each other, as well as our habits
and styles for working out. Let's hear it, ladies!
participate in this month's All About Your Workout Poll.
Also, check out what your fellow 'S' girls said about how
they celebrate themselves!
On my birthday I …
Grab my best girlfriends and hit the spa: 9.28%
Have plans for someone to take me out that night:28.87%
Take the day off and do whatever I
feel like doing: 44.85%
Plan a big birthday party for myself: 6.19%
Do nothing. It's just another day.: 10.31%
The best present someone could give me is…
A gift sertificate to my favorite
store:29.38%
A flower:13.92%
A handmade present:25.77%
A party:21.13%
A day off from work!:8.76%
I feel great about myself when…
I receive a compliment on my looks:17.53%
Someone tells me I have done a great
job:36.08%
When I have a dance party by myself:8.76%
I do the 'S':14.43%
A hot man flirts with me:22.68%
When I need a break from life I...
Go away for the weekend by myself:6.7%
Turn the phone off and zone out:14.43%
Do something physical:23.71%
I take a bath and turn off my mind:37.63%
Go for a long drive:6.7%
Nothing. I'm resigned to the chaos in my life:10.31%
In general, I would like to...
Have more nights out with the girls:15.46%
Be able to have a day by myself everyweek:17.53%
Take that class I've been wanting to:18.04%
Have the house to myself for a particular amount of time:7.73%
Don't know what, but I know I need
to do something for myself:21.65%
Take more classes at the 'S'!!:18.56
Don't forget to
participate in this month's All About Your Workout Poll.
Student
Letter
You Rock, Sheila!
Dear Sheila:
I've just recently beat ovarian cancer.
Yeah! I am not your typical candidate for this condition.
I stand 5'5, weigh 135 lbs, I'm 34 years old and I am in
good health. I didn't know that I had a tumor until the
pain took me to the doctor for a check up.
The night before my surgery to have the
tumor removed, I did the S Factor beginner's DVD as I wanted
to feel like a sexy goddess and feel like a 100% and a 'total'
woman before losing the right ovary - losing an ovary can
play a trick on your mind if you allow it to. So I crawled,
and I moved, and felt every inch of my body and connected
to the deepest level of the beautiful, sexy and powerful
woman in me...and it worked. So, thank you!!
I've been thinking about your studio and
your innovative and empowering program. We need a studio
like that in Vegas. Yes, Las Vegas!
Your program is much needed here. There
are hundreds of female residents who hold high power positions,
executive sales positions, media positions, hotel positions,
creative positions, the list goes on and on. And the classes
taught at the gyms don't give what your class give, sensual
empowerment!
I know we are the mecca of strip clubs but
most women don't like to go there to learn to strip. And
the stigma attached to Vegas and women who strip is so outdated,
it's high time to debunk!
Vegas is grossly generalized.
There are hundreds of women like myself
who own our bodies, claim our brilliance and step into the
yummy, sexy woman inside of us. We just don't have an outlet
for it. I think it's time we have one!
I would like to open a Las Vegas S Factor
studio!!
I feel your classes will empower women and
give them confidence, self-awareness, self-care, excitement,
fun and a positive community. I have personally felt this
and I only had the DVD experience. I did keep wishing to
myself during crawls, how cool it would be to have a studio
in town with nice wood floors and that amazing pole!! So,
Ms. Kelley, please, please consider this proposal.
I am highly confident and passionate that
opening a studio in Vegas will be highly successful not
only for your organization but for this fast growing city
as well. And it will make a powerful impact on many lives.
Note: There is a growing trend of high-rise
condominium sales and the buyers of these properties are
coming in from all over the world. The men are all about
the golf and the women will be all about the S Factor!!!
On a personal note, I am a big fan and advocate
of working on not just the outer parts of our bodies but
also integrating all parts of ourselves to let the creativity,
the brilliance and the goddess in all of us shine. I would
like to inspire and help women live to their highest and
full potential. When I first heard of you, I was so excited...
finally being sexy is so right and so cool and it's about
time we put it out there! And you make it possible for us
to reconnect to the sensual and the beautiful inside of
us while we shamelessly enjoy every minute of the workout!
You Rock, Sheila!
From the bottom of my heart, thank you for
the S Factor.
Please consider giving Las Vegas a studio
and please allow me the opportunity to share my enthusiasm
with others and let me know how I may be involved in this
exciting venture.
I look forward to hearing from you soon.
In Great Admiration and Gratitude,
In the
News
We had two fantastic articles about Sheila
Kelley's S Factor come out during this past month! There was
a delicious piece in the Daily Candy and an amazing feature
in the New York Daily News. They both paid humorous tribute
to this incredible movement we call our own and you'll get
a kick and maybe even some inspiration from the stories. Read
and enjoy!
Daily Candy Link:
http://www.dailycandy.com/article.jsp?ArticleId=25148&city=1
Daily news links:
http://www.nydailynews.com/02-16
2006/city_life/story/391658p-332188c.html
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